It is a common human tendency to overextend ourselves - to stretch ourselves too thin.
It can be a way of life for some people and for others just a habit that reoccurs over time or in specific situations. I have been thinking a lot about this tendency recently. For the first time in my life, I am very aware of when I am doing this (or tempted to) and have been working on allowing myself to step back and let go the desire to overextend.
How it shows up
There are many ways we do this. Some examples in life where we over extend ourselves can be with work, social engagements, general time commitments, staying busy, exercise and dieting, etc. We don’t allow ourselves to slow down, to rest, or to care for ourselves. The act of overextension is draining and unsustainable. We may think we are invincible and we can “rest later,” but the truth is, it takes a toll on our health and our wellbeing, if not immediately, then definitely in the long run.
We can also overextend ourselves or stretch ourselves too thin (literally) in our yoga practice. I know that for awhile when I first started practicing, I had a tendency to do this. I wanted to access the deepest expression of a pose as soon as possible. Or, I wanted to do as many chatarungas and arm balances as possible in order to build up strength faster and to keep up with the more advanced yogis. At one point several years ago, my body gave me immediate feedback and I pulled a hamstring. This taught me to be more aware of when I was pushing myself too far.
In my current state (being pregnant) I cannot push myself to far or I could severely injure myself (due to the sudden weight gain, the balance aspect of having the weight all on the front of my body, and even the hormones my body is producing to create the necessary elasticity to fit a child). So, if I go too far in a pose or exercise, I am much more likely to pull a muscle, put too much pressure on my joints, or perhaps even disrupt my structural alignment. I also get tired a lot more easily (as my body is working so hard in the background to create life) so I have to be aware and monitor my energy levels otherwise I will crash physically or become overwhelmed emotionally. I want to be selective on how I spend the precious energy that I do have.
These are all important lessons for life, not just for someone who is pregnant.
In normal life, it may not be as imminently dangerous - we will not necessarily hurt ourselves immediately if we push beyond our limits. But the truth is, there are still consequences of overextending that build up slowly over time such as injuries, stress levels, blood pressure, and general health.
And think of all the bad habits we build up trying to compensate for the consequences of stretching ourselves too thin!
Here is an example (one that I have witnessed in so many people and even myself): Take a physical practice, such as yoga or a workout routine. We push ourselves too much, beyond our limit. And we hurt ourselves. However, it is not a major injury and we don’t even really register it. We create with a small, almost unnoticeable tear in a muscle or joint. So, we keep on with the activity and continue to push ourselves further. Eventually, the small, unnoticeable tear pulls on a larger muscle group, which then turns into a major source of pain. Since it was so slow to build, we cannot pinpoint where the injury came from. Then, we compensate for the pain by holding our bodies differently, which just exasperates the pain and creates a misalignment in the body. After a certain amount of time, if unaddressed, the injury becomes a normal way of life… “Oh, that’s just how my back is.” But the truth is that the injury was seeded awhile ago from pushing too hard, too fast, and grew into a major disruption of our physical experience.
For another example: We take on too much in our everyday life and our stress levels increase. As a result we end up sleeping less. Then, we drink more coffee during the day to stay alert and need another glass of wine at night to calm down. We develop a cycle of habits that turn into a sleeping problem, which eventually evolve into anxiety. And because this cycle develops slowly over time, we may not recognize where the issue originated from and take it as a fact of life - we now have anxiety. So, we adapt (because humans are incredibly adaptable) and we learn to live with it. But it is not our true nature, it was created as a result of over extension. (Please note that this is just an example and I do not claim to know what causes or cures anxiety).
Why do we do this?
The conclusion I am coming to is that this tendency to overextend and push ourselves too much is due to the desire to prove ourselves worthy and valuable. It stems from the ego — from this idea that we are separate (better than / less than) — and we have to prove that we are good, better, enough.
But the truth is that we are all valuable just as we are. We are enough.
There is no need to prove or display our worthiness for the world to see. Getting recognition for being good does not make us any better than the person who does not get recognized.
What do we do about it?
First off, it is important that we don’t create fear around this tendency. We don’t want to scare ourselves so much that we avoid certain situations or physical activity because we are afraid of hurting ourselves. We can still work out, exercise, work hard, spend lots of time with loved ones. But the key is to increase our awareness of this tendency to try too hard and to do too much.
When we are conscious of our actions and the reasons behind them, we can step back and make the decision that will serve our highest good and increase our health and vitality rather than take away from it.
Second of all, perhaps we can let the ego go, stop trying to prove ourselves and just be who we are. Exist. Live life. And trust in our inherent goodness. We can teach ourselves to stay present to what is going on in our bodies and minds. Are we exhausted? Rest. Are we stressed out? Take some time off to play. Do we have zero time for ourselves? Say no to unnecessary commitments on our calendar. Is our mind running wild with anxiety and fear? Slow down and meditate.
It takes practice and constant commitment to staying present and aware.
And we cannot forget that we have to power to affect our experiences and to live rich, full lives.