Deciphering Fear from Intuition

I went to a yoga nidra class last weekend. I had heard about the practice and I sort of knew what I was getting myself into but I did not know what my reaction would be to the class. The format of the class included some movement to get the body warmed up, then about an hour of guided savasana meditation. It felt like awake sleeping. Being pregnant, I cannot stay in one position for too long without getting uncomfortable. So, about half way through the meditation, I felt the urge to move. I started worrying and feeling guilty and, ultimately, second guessing myself. I worried about the baby - was I sitting at too deep of an incline for him to get adequate blood flow? Was he alright? I started feeling guilty about being so distracted and potentially moving positions, thus disturbing the teacher or the people around me. Then, I started second guessing myself- did I really need to move or should I just suck it up and stick with the position I was in? Or was it my body signaling that it was time for a change and it would be beneficial to both me and the babe to move? 

This is an example of something that I have experienced and heard expressed often from others. There are many points in our self-discovery journey where we second guess ourselves and become confused by the difference between our intuition and fear. We don’t know whether to keep going, keep digging and moving deeper, or whether to stop and rest or readjust. 

This confusion often comes when we are in a state of change. For me, it is pregnancy. I have never been pregnant before, nothing feels “normal” and I have no idea what to expect. It is a time where I have to rely on my intuition but I am also bogged down with fears and doubts that arise from the wealth of information out there on what is appropriate, dangerous, etc.

For other experiences, the confusion can arise when we are changing our lifestyle habits and taking on new activities such as exercise, healthy eating, or wellness practices like meditation. It can even come up when we move or travel or change communities. With these changes, we are embarking on new terrain and we can be uncertain of ourselves. We need to rely on intuition more than ever but it is clouded with uncertainty. 

So how do we do it? How do we move past this gray area of fear vs. intuition?

I have struggled with this myself many times throughout my life. And I do not claim to have any answers. I am still very much in the questioning. And I imagine I will always be in that question as long as I am changing and growing. 

I think it is the question that is the most important part. Not the answer. For the answer will always change with each new situation. The key is to stay in a state of inquiry and wonder. To constantly be posing the question to ourselves, is this fear I am feeling — which will ultimately hold me back from growth — or is it my intuition telling me to readjust or try something new? 

It makes me think about this child growing within me. When he is born every feeling, sensation, emotion will be brand new. He will never have experienced it before. This provides an opportunity for me to think through how I can help him navigate all the new and often scary emotions. I feel this urge to find a tool to help him listen to his intuition and move through fear.

As I think through a tool or process to help him, I realize that this is something I am constantly working on myself as a conscious adult who “should,” by now understand my emotions. But the truth is that, even as adults, our emotions can still catch us off guard. We can still be bowled over by new feelings, fears, hopes, and expectations. And I don't think we ever truly master our emotions. We can only work with our emotions to navigate them more gracefully and as consciously as possible in the moment.

Self-discovery and self-improvement is the work of a lifetime. We don’t reach a point where we can stop and say: “No, I’m good now. I don’t need to do any more work, I have found myself.” Because we are constantly evolving and changing. The minute we stop the work is the minute we fall behind and loose track of who we are becoming in this exact moment. 

So instead of expecting ourselves to know exactly how to navigate fear and all of our changing emotions, what if we could approach each experience the same way a child would - as completely new - and then follow a process to help us work through it gracefully and connect with our intuition?

Here are my current thoughts on how to navigate the confusion between fear and intuition:

1. Acknowledge it is happening and that it is OK and completely natural to be in this state of confusion. When we become ashamed or start to beat ourselves up for being in this state of confusion, our self-doubt takes hold. And self-doubt can create a downward spiral that is hard to surface from. 
2. Explore the feelings that arise. Experience the emotions; take note of the fears; try not to runaway or ignore what surfaces. Do this from a place of curiosity and let go of the judgments as much as possible. 
3. Make and decision and act from a place of love.We have to take a step in one direction in order to get out of the state of confusion. We may not know if it is the right one or not, but we have to try to make the best decision possible given the situation and our feelings. Whatever you decide, try to act from a place of love.
4. Assess the result of the action. What happened? Did your actions move you closer towards intuition or fear? Take note of the answer and use it as data for the next time you are in a similar situation. 
5. Repeat often. Continue down your path of self-discovery. Put yourself in new situations. Know that fear and confusion may arise but remember that the more we do it, the more data we collect and the deeper we connect to our intuition.

I am learning that the confusion between fear and intuition comes from our inappropriate expectations that we SHOULD know what to do and exactly how to act in any given situation. That is the root cause of the cycle of self-doubt and fear clouding our intuition. Intuition must always be approached from a place of curiosity and wonder, from a place of not knowing the answer. Because that is what our intuition is -- it is beyond our logical thinking, it comes from something deeper within us, and it is new every time. We have to allow ourselves to NOT KNOW and use the experience as another opportunity to learn and grow.