I started to panic the other day. I am feeling huge. And I keep getting bigger. I have five, potentially six weeks left of this ever-growing state of pregnancy. My stomach is in my ribs, my ribs are sliding outward, my belly is like a balloon with something moving around inside of it. My pelvis is getting heavier by the minute. Skin is stretching, organs are relocating, and this baby is taking up his sweet space. How can I handle growing even BIGGER over the next MONTH?!?
It makes me stagger backwards and rethink how I am going to get through this. I have to figure something out or I know I will have a very unpleasant month ahead of me. And I am determined to enjoy this time as much as possible.
When I do step back, I realize that we are normally not used to being in a state of discomfort for extended periods of time. We tend to look for the quick fixes and remedies to get us put of pain as soon as possible.
And when we are in pain, our ego brains do something really silly — they make us think that we will always be in this pain or uncomfortable state and that it will never end. So we grit our teeth and resist it. We fight it so hard. And we begin to fear that the state of discomfort is permanent. As a result (surprise, surprise) we suffer. But not necessarily only as a result of the pain, but rather as a result of the resistance to discomfort and the belief that the pain is permanent.
But life is uncomfortable. When we get through one thing, something else is bound to pop up that makes us uncomfortable or uneasy. If we are constantly in a state of resistance to it, we will constantly suffer.
For me, I know that pregnancy is just the first step of a life of growth and discomfort. I am going to go through a really intense time just getting this baby out into the world… and then I will be a mother who is responsible for the life of my innocent, helpless child. Then, I have to watch him grow, mature and separate himself from me. And I will have to let go of control and trust that he will be alright in this wild and beautiful world… which is just about as uncomfortable as it can get!
So, starting now, in this current uncomfortable state of pregnancy, I am focusing on accepting impermanence. Everything in life and in the world is impermanent - states of being, situations, experiences, moods, even we as humans are temporary. Everything in time will pass, whether we want it to or not. All is changing and transforming at every moment. No moment will ever be the same. Pain will come and go. Happiness will ebb and flow.
It is freeing and reassuring, in a way, to know that nothing is permanent. It can also be terrifying. But it is a fact of life. And we have the choice, right? We can spend our life resisting what is changing and focus only on loss or pain. Or we can choose to be fully present to the experience of being alive and being human, complete with all the pain and all the beauty.
It requires trust, patience, and acceptance. If we can settle into the moment with love in our hearts and minds, we may just enjoy the process of impermanence and change… or at least be in awe of it enough to learn from it and grow.
Here are a few tangible actions I am working on to accept impermanence and discomfort rather than resist it:
Remember that this is a passing moment. I can choose to resist it or accept it and maybe enjoy myself in the process. When I am in a situation, I step back and ask myself: How do you choose to spend this fleeting moment -- in love and wonder or stuck in pain and resistance? I can make the decision every day, every moment, to be happy and to love and to look for beauty in the world.
Find the lesson. Curiosity is key to being present and to fully experiencing a situation. Rather than bringing in preconceived judgements or ideas on how I will feel or what is going to happen, if I can stay open to learning something new, then the impermanent state can be viewed as a positive experience and may even have a lasting effect on who I am.
Practice mindfulness daily. When I keep up with my mindfulness practices, I can feel a direct increase in my ability to accept what is happening around me. A mindfulness practice gives us all the tools we need to live intentionally and to be present to our lives. And we perform how we practice. If we are not in the habit of having a mindfulness practice, then in the moment it is hard to be fully present and non-attached. But if we have a daily practice, then it is easier to employ the tools when we are in the middle of a new or uncomfortable experience.