warning signs of self-sabotage that keeps us from our mindfulness practices
I woke up the other morning and realized that I am feeling off. I can feel emotions beneath the surface that I am not letting bubble up. For one, I am feeling super sensitive — if something small happens or goes wrong, I feel like I am on the brink of tears. For another, I am noticing the signs of stress in my body but not letting the feeling seep into my mind. This makes me realize that I am more stressed out than I am letting on. It is like I am trying to hide it from myself. I focus on what is going well and try to ignore the signs of despair.
My first reaction when faced with these “under the surface emotions,” so to speak, is confusion — not understanding what is going on or what to do about it. Then, once I finally went back to writing morning pages for the first time in over a week, I began to process and admit what is going on.
It has been 10 days since I have done my morning routine, meditated, or practiced yoga (how embarrassing to admit as a yoga teacher!). I haven’t eaten well, I even had a few too many drinks the other night at our going away party. (And those of you that have been following along, know that I have, for the most part, stopped drinking.)
Life happened. And it is totally understandable.
I have all the excuses in the world.
But I cannot afford to continue making excuses that keep me from my practices.
When I get down to it, what is really happening is that I am falling into a pattern of mindless self-sabotage and making excuses for not being present.
I already feel the lack of self-practice settling in. I feel restless, bored, uninspired. It is a general feeling of dissatisfaction, even a bit of numbness. I am living more superficially. Not in a shallow way, but superficial in a way that I am not being mindful or aware. I am just going through the motions. Almost like I am waiting it out.
And it is contagious. It breeds itself. I tell myself that I am just going to veg out for awhile, watch some silly movies so I can chill out. But this can become a dangerous game. When I veg out, I want to continue vegging. It is a fake self-care tactic that I sometimes use and pretend it is self care.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching movies and definitely consider it a tool for self-care, but only when it is thoughtful and intentional. The mindless watching of empty movies or TV — which I have been doing a lot of lately — is not self-care; it is self-sabotage. It keeps me wrapped up and numbed out. I don’t have to feel or face anything if I am not paying attention.
So, this checking out, this living superficially and mindlessly, is easily recognizable if we are paying attention. We just can’t let the warning signs go unnoticed or ignored. We have to do something to tune back in. Otherwise we will keep slipping away. And we will lose our rich inner life of inspiration and self-love.
a strategy to mitigate self-sabotage that keeps us from our mindfulness practices
When I start to feel that dull ache of boredom and lack of inspiration, it is a clear sign that I need to take steps to return to my practice. This is not an easy thing to do when wrapped up in the throws of self-sabotage. But let’s look at a strategy we can use to help lovingly redirect ourselves back.
1. Notice the warning signs and be kind. Take a moment to think about the ways that you sabotage yourself away from a meaningful, present life.
Recall the last time you were in this state; what were the emotions or feelings you had while in it — apathy, depression, dullness, frustration, unprovoked anger or sadness? What were the activities that you found yourself doing or habits you returned to — vegging out, sleeping late, canceling social engagements or going out too much, drinking, etc?
There is no judgement here, so be kind to yourself. We are just observing and taking note of the ways in which we sabotage ourselves. And we all do it.
2. Give yourself time to wallow, but plan your first move.
Sometimes we need to take some time to wallow in our feelings but the most important is to have a first step that will snap us out of it when we are ready.
This is a first step — or an entry point — back into your self-practice. The trick is for it to be something mindful but easy to get yourself to do, not something that you dread or is difficult to convince yourself to do.
For me, it can be difficult to muster up the courage to meditate every day and it doesn’t get much easier over time. So, that would not be the first thing I would try. Rather, morning pages (stream of consciousness writing) is easier for me to pick up even if it has been awhile since the last time I wrote. Another idea is to go our for a walk or be in nature.
The key is to pick something that doesn’t seem too much like work or too hard to do after a period of not doing it.
3. Create a plan to get back into your practice.
After you have taken your first step out of self-sabotage and into your practice, utilize the new momentum to plan ahead and to further solidify your personal practices.
Take a look at your week and schedule time for your practice — even if you are just holding blocks of free time on your calendar. How will you use the time you have available this week to rededicate to your practice? What small adjustments can you make to create more space for your practices?
For example, can you wake up a few minutes early to get in some yoga or meditation before the daily to-do list starts popping into your head? Look up the class schedule at your yoga studio or gym and sign up. Talk to a friend and invite them out to your favorite healthy restaurant. Can you schedule a facial or a massage or get your nails done? Or simply block off time to go to the grocery store to pick up healthy food and prepare your meals for the week.
Or perhaps there is something new you want to add to your daily routine or self-practices. Sometimes the challenge of learning new things gives you the motivation to stick with a personal practice longer. Have you ever tried meditation? Why not read a book or take some classes on it to help get you started.
4. Be patient and repeat steps 1 - 3.
It may not happen over night but the most important thing is to continue taking steps to return to, or create new self practices. Continue to notice the warning signs of self-sabotage, plan your first move away from it, and then create a plan for the week that will direct you back to your mindfulness and self-development practices.
I have found that I never regret dedicating time to my personal growth. It is always worth it. But when I am not present with my mindfulness practices, I get this nagging feeling of guilt and sabotage. So, it is better to do it — do something, anything, that will bring you back to your deep and rich inner light — than ignore yourself and your personal growth practices.