I recently watched a talk with Mel Robbins about motivation and the idea that we have to feel ready in order to change. Her claim is that this is a huge falsehood that holds us back in life. She says that the way we are wired a humans, "we are not designed to do things that are uncomfortable or scary or difficult." It is a survival instinct that keeps us safe and out of harms way. And the belief that we will one day feel ready to take on a challenge only ends up holding us and preventing growth.
This was a powerful talk for me to listen to because I recognize the feeling. Many times I have felt a lack of desire to do something new or uncomfortable and hoping that I will one day get a spark of motivation that will make me actually do it. But this video helps remind me that is never going to happen randomly.
The truth is, I never really WANT to go out of my comfort zone. When I was living in Buenos Aires, I never really wanted to speak Spanish because it was hard and usually felt uncomfortable. Instead of just one day waking up and deciding that I love speaking awkwardly in a foreign language, I had to convince myself WHY I need to do the difficult stuff, and then rely on my determination and perseverance to actually go through with it. I also had to make it a point to remind myself to do something uncomfortable every day, otherwise I feel stuck, lost, and isolated.
Overtime as a result, I found myself in crazy and silly situations; but I also found myself in beautiful and empowering situations that brought me closer to other people and to my inner strength. I could easily have stopped. But my values kept me going. I knew what was important to me -- to be brave and adventurous, and perhaps come out with some hilarious stories and strange situations that build my character and turn me into the person I am constantly evolving into.
Self is constantly changing -- our bodies, our minds, our hearts. If we dig our heels into the ground and refuse to move, we WON’T move. Motivation doesn't strike like lightening or turn on randomly like a cartoon light bulb to get us moving again. And if we wait around for it to strike, we will become stagnant.
Goodness knows there is enough fear and terrible things happening that we have every excuse to stay home in bed. But why don't we? Why do we continue to get up and fight the good fight?
When we are faced with something new and uncomfortable, perhaps we can remind ourselves that every day we face difficultly and failure but we keep moving forward. We have to remind ourselves every day, every moment to reconnect to the reason why we are alive, why we want to exist in the world, what we stand for. It takes time and practice but we eventually learn how to deal with the discomfort and move on through it.
And, yes, we also need moments of rest and relief from the storm. We need to sit back and take the necessary time to care for ourselves. But then we have to get back up on our own feet and move once again.
Life is full of discomfort and pain and difficulty and it is our determination and our heart and our values that get us through it. And the more we practice existing in the discomfort, the better we will get at it. That doesn't mean that we have to stand abuse or remain in a situation that causes us pain. It means that we can get through it with patience and compassion and remain standing long enough to help change it; to help situations evolve for good. It means we wade through the discomfort in order to find and create the life and experiences that serve our highest good.