I have recently hit on a theme in my conversations with others and in my own reflections, where we are afraid to think our thoughts; we are afraid of what we will find if we were to be completely honest with ourselves and expose our deepest thoughts. We are worried what our mind will reveal about us.
But the truth is that we are not our minds. We are not defined by the thoughts in our head. Thoughts are just functions of the brain - receptors firing off feedback from different inputs gathered through our senses. And yet we place so much weight on those thoughts because that is how we conceptualize ourselves and our lives. That is how we function. But who we are is so much deeper than our thoughts.
This is exemplified by the fact that we can step back from our thoughts and observe the self separate from the thoughts. We can take on the role of the observer of the mind. Like when we are experiencing something really intense, we can step outside of ourselves. We can watch what is happening as if we are someone else looking in.
What we can come back to is the understanding that what we think is not important, rather, it is how we respond to those thoughts that makes us who we are and that defines the energy we put out into the world.
Being truly authentic with ourselves is a necessary step in understanding our minds and figuring out who we are beneath the intrusive thoughts that plague our experience with fears.
We cannot be afraid of our minds or our thoughts. Once we separate from our mind, we begin to accept the truth that the whole world, life as we know it, won’t come crashing down if we allow ourselves to process thoughts - to really look at the things we are afraid to look at - to face the part of ourselves that we fear or “hate” the most.
Those big, scary, hairy thoughts are where we will unlock truth. That is where the treasure is buried. If we keep fearing it, if we keep ignoring it, those thoughts and fears will take root. They will start to grow. And if left unattended, they will turn into major pillars of our identity. We will start to associate who we are with that fear. But, on the other hand, if we acknowledge the fear, explore it with openness and trust that we are inherently good, we can start to understand the fear. Once we unlock the fear, we can take the energy that is consumed in covering up the fear and redirect it towards creating the thoughts, actions and life that we actually want to live, rather than the life that our fears are holding us to.
This work takes time, care and patience. When we have been living so long with a massive fear, it is scary to let go of it because who will we be with out this fear that has defined us for so long? But, again, we are not our thoughts; we do not have to be defined by our fears. And if we allow ourselves to be defined by our thoughts and fears, ultimately, we will be covering up our true essence.
So, we start small. We start in the present by looking at what we allow in, starting to take inventory of what is in our heads and hearts, what we are afraid of, what we don’t want to look at, how we distract ourselves from being real and authentic. We can start to understand how our brain functions, what our tendencies are, how we speak to ourselves in our head, and what deep seated fears are holding us back from who we really are. It takes a whole lot of trust, strength and authenticity, but it also takes humility and forgiveness. We have to approach it all with love so we don’t scare ourselves away from discovering, from making contact with our true & pure essence.
The only practice I have found to date, which allows me to explore the mind from a place of pure honesty and authenticity, is writing morning pages (a practice from the book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron). Morning pages are hand written, stream of consciousness writing. For effectiveness, they should be at least three pages long and done every day. This writing is not for anyone else and they have no goal or audience. And in order to turn off the fear that someone will read it, plan on starting out with individual sheets of paper that you can throw away, shred, or burn after writing.
I find that in all other practices we tend to sensor ourselves for fear of what others think. But when we write, we can been completely honest because no one will judge us or think of us differently. And the more I write my morning pages, the more I understand that it doesn’t matter what I write or what thoughts are in my head- I can write things that I would never tell anyone. I can write the worst thoughts I have had and the world does not end. I don’t become a terrible person. Instead, when I write it, I get it out of me and can let it go. I can separate from the thoughts and understand that they are not a reflection of who I am. It is a cleansing and healing process if done consistently. The ego may protest, but keep writing. Fears may surface and make you want to stop, but keep writing.
Try writing morning pages for two weeks and see what happens. Continue for a month and see how much clearer & more intentional you feel afterwards. If you miss a day, begin again the next. Keep going; keep exploring.
We are much more than our thoughts. Who we are goes so much deeper than the mind. However the only way out is through. Exploring our thoughts and understanding the mind is the key to unlocking our true esseesnce, our deepest self.