Through this vacation, I am finding that having too much unstructured time is not as easy as I thought it would be. I continue to be surprised and perplexed because I am not being as productive as I was when I had less free time. It is like I am paralyzed by too much free time.
If I have weeks upon weeks of unstructured time, time seems to just disappear. I spend it doing meaningless things. But I also know that if I have an overly structured, busy schedule with no free time, then I get so intimidated by the lack of time and I end up not getting anything done, either.
So my solution is to structure unstructured time. In other words, create a framework that allows for specific time to do anything I want, while still maintaining some sort of routine.
This brings me back to a long-held belief of mine: having boundaries allows for more freedom.
I have always had good boundaries, even as a child. There was something inherent in my personality, early on, that knew that boundaries are necessary to who I am; necessary in understanding where I stop and someone else begins. It was a key part of my development as an individual, separate from my parents, teachers, and other influencers.
Many years ago as I was discussing this belief with my Dad, he related it to a metaphor for architecture, saying that architects design walls in order to create space. Otherwise, there is just emptiness.
This term "walls" has some negative connotations when we speak of self development, such as building walls around our hearts that keep people out. However, when we have absolutely no boundaries, we can get taken advantage of or lose our sense of self. The lack of boundaries can be summed up well by the quote: "I stood for nothing so I fell for everything." As in everything in life, it is all about balance.
So, this idea of using structure to create more space and freedom resonates with me and has been a major tenant for how I live my life. I find that when I have the right amount of structure I feel more at ease and free to play in the space I create within the boundaries of that structure.
It may seem counter intuitive and I know it won't resonate with everyone, but for me it provides necessary parameters within which I can relax and enjoy. And if I stick to those parameters, I don't have to worry or stress because I know where I am in relation to the structure I have established for myself. I can stay more present to what is happening without worrying whether or not I can afford the freedom.
Let me give you a couple of examples of how this translates to real life in hopes of demonstrating how the right amount of structure can have a big impact on our freedom to enjoy who we are and where we are in life.
Freedom through Boundaries in Time Management
If we do not have any structure in our time management, we can become overwhelmed by the feeling of having too much or too little time. As I mentioned above, I find that I am the most productive when I have the right balance of free time and structured time. When I have too much free time, I get lost in the unending open space and lose motivation to get anything done. When I have too little free time, I cannot get anything done due to the lack of space in my schedule. I end up feeling fenced in by the structure and then rebelling against it. So I am finding that the key is to schedule time for free time; create structured space to do whatever I want. For example, when I look at my schedule for the week, I schedule in all the stuff I have to do (meetings, errands, appointments, etc.) and then I actually block off free time in my calendar. That way I don't have to stress about whether or not I will get everything taken care of for the week and then I have the freedom to really enjoy the free time that I have scheduled.
Freedom through Boundaries in Relationships
I am discovering that the healthiest way to enter into a relationship with another is to know yourself and to understand what you are willing and unwilling to give. When we have no boundaries and the lines get blurred between ourselves and others, we run the risk of either overpowering the other person or becoming submissive to their whims. But when we learn to respect ourselves and create the necessary boundaries to honor who we are, we are able to more fully honor others and, in turn, we have the freedom to be open and generous in our love.
Freedom though Boundaries in Finances
If we do not understand how much money we have, where it is disappearing to, or what we are able to spend it on, then we can feel suffocated by our finances. When we have no boundaries around money we tend to either spend frivolously or hoard what we have out of fear. Therefore, the key is to create structure -- in this case, a budget -- so that we know what we are able to spend money on and what we cannot spend money on. I personally found the most freedom came when I created a boundary around the amount of wiggle room I had in my budget each month, or in other words the amount of money that was not allocated to a specific monthly expense. Then, I felt free to buy things that I wanted or needed within that boundary, no matter how small of an amount it was. For example, I knew that I had $50 a month that was unallocated and I had the freedom to decided what I did what that money each month. It gave me wiggle room to play with.
Freedom through Boundaries in our Physical, Spiritual, and Self-Care Practices
In the midst of a busy schedule, it can be hard to find the time to focus on our physical, spiritual, and self-care practices. We feel obligated to work, take care of people, check the boxes on our to-do list, and take care of other responsibilities. All of these are important but when we lack boundaries around our personal practices, we can fall into one of two traps: we either let the rest of life take precedent over caring for ourselves or we allow our own desires to overpower our responsibilities to others. Therefore it is important to create boundaries around our self-care practices to ensure that we create space for them in our lives. Creating structure in this case can mean scheduling specific time every week for your practices or it could simply mean making self-care a higher priority in our lives. Another way to create boundaries around self-care is by identifying what daily practices you are able or unable to budge on (or schedule over, for example) barring any extenuating circumstances.
Figuring out the Right Balance for You
Now, I acknowledge that we all have different needs and desires. And because of that we have to figure out what the right balance of boundaries and freedom is for us. Some people need less structure to feel at ease and others need more structure. Either way, the biggest growth happens when we recognize what that balance is for ourselves.