We are here. We have finally settled. We moved to Austin for the next foreseeable future. Starting anew. It's exciting and scary.
With change comes discomfort and I am definitely in that uncomfortable stage right now. I don't feel completely settled, I don't feel at home, I don't know what I am doing or going to do here.
But instead of focusing on the things that are unideal, I am choosing to focus on the positive.
For the last couple months, I have been worrying about the transition. We have been traveling and living out of suitcases for over 3 months. It was a fun experience but it also felt like a kind of purgatory - all we could do was imagine what our life would be like once we are settled. And that "imagining" when faced with mystery can lead to excitement and/or anxiety... coupled with lack of sleep and lots of jet lag, I definitely entered into the realm of anxiety several times. It was not pretty.
So, my new strategy, now that we are here and starting to settle, is to refocus on positivity.
Now, positivity and optimism are loaded words and there are many opinions on the benefit and drawbacks of their application in our lives. Personally, I have been criticized for being overly optimistic. But I am beginning to realize that positivity is one of my strongest traits.
I will say, however, that when we are looking at positivity, we have to make the distinction between 1) blind optimism and 2) positive acceptance.
Blind optimism is passive. It is when we simply ignore what is difficult and pretend everything is fine.
But just as we don't want to ignore what is difficult, we also don't want to ignore what is going well. Positive acceptance, in other words, is an active and realistic acceptance of what is good. It is positivity that gives rise to what is awesome and full of wonder right now.
That is the type of positivity that I value most highly.
POSITIVE ACCEPTANCE
I fully believe that we create our own reality; we manifest our experiences based on how we view and interact with the world. If we see the world as cold and hard and unfriendly, we end up surrounding ourselves in situations that are cold and hard and unfriendly. We will only allow ourselves to see the worst in any given situation.
But, on the other hand, if we believe the world is good, we will see good in the world. If we have faith that everything will work out, we won't give up until it does. We will create solutions to the problems; we will look for the light in every situation we are faced with.
That is positive acceptance - active acceptance of what is happening around us and a desire to see the opportunities for good.
When we are in a state of positive acceptance, we are able to welcome the tough lessons; we welcome life to play out in a way that will allow us to grow. We also accept love and the occurrence of good things when they present themselves to us. We, in turn, trust that the world is good and we are good and we deserve good things.
As Rob Brezsny puts it: "The whole world is conspiring to shower you with blessings." This does not mean that the world will give us everything we want. But it will give us everything we need (even the tough lessons) to learn and grow and develop into conscious, loving human beings.
USING AFFIRMATIONS
One strategy for implementing positive acceptance is to use affirmations in a new way.
When I first started to work with affirmations as a way to stay positive, I turned to the typical type of affirmations where I tell myself that I am great; everything is going to work out; I am strong and capable; I can accomplish my dreams.
But when I repeated these overly positive affirmations, all I felt was the doubt lurking behind the words -- Do I really believe that? Will I really be able to accomplish that much? I became more aware of the possibility of not being able to live up to the affirmations.
This left me unsure of how to the reconcile positive affirmations with the doubt in my head. Which lead me to question the validity of affirmations.
So, I did some research on affirmations -- do they actually work?
Well, research (as always) goes both ways. But I found an interesting article that revisited the results of studies on affirmations.
Researchers found that "repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most." And, "when people get feedback that they believe is overly positive, they actually feel worse, not better."
But, the article goes on to say that this doesn't mean that affirmations are a load of crap. Instead, psychologists are finding that "people can be affirmed by engaging in activities that remind them of who they are." Therefore, they focus affirmations on "acceptance and commitment ... [by] clarifying your values and committing your behavior to them."
These findings are in direct alignment with how I am approaching positivity. Just as with positivity, when we use affirmations we don't want to ignore what is hard or pretend like everything is OK. It is not about repeating positive phrases to yourself that you might not actually believe.
Instead, we can use affirmations to remind ourselves what we stand for, what we hold to be true and sacred in our lives.
PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE
When focusing on positivity and using affirmations, rather than focusing on what you want to believe or what you wish was different, consider what makes you who you are, what you believe in, and what you hold as sacred in your life RIGHT NOW. And keep an keen eye out for all that is magical and mysterious and wonderful in the world.
To practice positive acceptance and affirmations, here are some examples of questions to ask yourself:
- What do I stand for?
- What do I value about myself and the life I am living?
- What do I want to create and share with the world?
- What is good about my life right at this moment?
The answers to these questions will help bring us back to a state of positive inquiry where we are grounded in who we are and what we believe in. Then, we are able to make choices and move through life in way that keeps us in alignment with our values and who we are at our core.