Who would you be if you never had to prove your worthiness? Your strength? Your goodness?
All over the place, we see this desire to prove ourselves worthy. If we all look honestly, we can see the desire within ourselves and others.
We see it on social media - showing only the best part of our lives or perhaps exaggerating the good and ignoring the not so pleasant parts. We see it in the work place, when over-confidence is used to cover up that underlying fear that we don’t really know what we are talking about. We can even see it on the yoga mat - pushing ourselves into poses, trying to prove our strength and flexibility as if it were a game we could win.
I think this desire to prove ourselves can come from a good place — from wanting to make sure that the goodness within us is shown to the world. We want to put our best self forward. But ultimately, I believe that it stems from a sense of scarcity, a sense that we are not inherently worthy as we are. It comes from a fear that we are not good enough.
And when we act on this desire to prove ourselves, we are flung smack-dab into our ego. So, a harmless desire coming from a good place, turns into an ego-driven need to be better than something or someone else. And when the ego takes over it is hard to stay connected to our inner values.
What if we could all just settle into who we are without having to pretend we are something else or pretend we are more? Who would you be? What would you do or not do if you truly believed, deep down, that you are enough just as you are.
Let’s let go of this desire to prove, and instead, focus on existing as we are. Let’s focus on using every moment as an opportunity to get more in touch with our deepest self, rather than trying to prove the worthiness of our outward self.
For, the more we are able to tap into that deeper self — the self beyond our appearance; beyond the names and labels and day jobs — the more we will open up to the truth that we are all worthy exactly as we are.
Here is an exercise to try:
This exercise will help you reflect on past experiences and start to get into the habit of letting go of the desire to prove yourself.
STEP 1: Take a moment to think back to a time when you felt like you had to prove yourself.
- What was the situation you were in?
- Why did you feel the need to prove yourself? What were you proving?
- What did it feel like? Did you enjoy it?
- What was the outcome of the situation?
My Own Example: Early in my yoga teaching career, I was taking a class in the studio where I taught in DC. I felt like people were judging me and my practice. I felt like I needed to prove myself to be a good yogi, and thus a good teacher, by doing the advanced poses even though I didn’t have the energy to do them. I left the class feeling worn out and exhausted. I wasn’t able to connect to myself or others around me. I lost the real spirit of yoga by trying to prove myself.
STEP 2: Remind yourself that you are enough. Remind yourself of the values that guide your life.
- How would you have acted in this situation if you believed that you were enough?
- How could you have applied your values to this situation?
My Own Example: I may not be the strongest or the most flexible yogi in the room. But that is OK. Our bodies and experiences are all different. As a teacher, I would rather encourage people to listen to themselves and act based on that knowledge of self rather than just focus on the cool, advanced poses. I want to reflect that value in how I teach, how I practice, and how I approach yoga in general. I want to make sure that value is infused in everything I do.
STEP 3: Create a mantra to use the next time you are in a similar situation.
My Own Example:
- I do not have to prove my strength or flexibility. Yoga is about more than that. I strive to embody the real essence of yoga.
- My intention as a teacher and as a yoga practitioner is to listen in and move with authenticity.
Here are some other examples of good mantras to try out:
- I am good enough just as I am.
- I am worthy. I do not have to prove that worthiness.
- Life is an experiment, let’s enjoy it and learn from it.
Try this right now for a past situation — reflect on and write out the answers for each step. Then, next time you find yourself feeling like you have to prove yourself, complete the exercise again.
Eventually, we will be able to notice the feeling as it is happening and redirect our energy by reminding ourselves of our inner values and that we are enough!
Let me know how it goes!