Balanced and healthy power comes from connection and love. Unbalanced power comes from separation, ego, fear.
When I first started practicing yoga and the concept of power came up in classes, I shied away from it. I associated power with egotism, the power-hungry, the graspers, the oppressors. I saw power as something that people pretended they had so they could use it over people and get what they wanted without consideration of others. I saw power as cut-throat survival - eat or be eaten, move or get left behind, fight or perish. Although I didn’t have the words for it at the time, I was relating power to separation, ego and fear.
I saw this negative, unhealthy manifestation of power all around me, I even felt it within my very nature, and I was afraid of it. I wanted nothing to do with it. So, I didn’t want to look at or explore this “power”. I wanted to shut out that side of me in hopes that I would never have to deal with it.
But that never works - ignoring something and pretending it is not there… it always bites you in the butt later.
So, when I wasn’t looking, my relationship to my personal sense of power went out of balance. It turned into self-inflicted disempowerment which acted like fuel to the fire of unhealthy power. I feared that I lacked power so I faked it. I tried to show others that I was powerful, even though I felt powerless. I pretended I was in control when really it was my fear that was in control of me.
It wasn’t until I approached my personal power from a place of love and curiosity that I realized I was only seeing one side of it. The other side of power is the kind of power that allows us to go after our dreams. It is the other side of power that allows us to connect to and cultivate the best part of ourselves. It is this healthy power that allows us to recognize the value and greatness of ourselves, others, and every being in existence. Healthy power is inclusive, accepting, compassionate and stemming from love.
When we love, when we act from a place of compassion and connection to all life, we are powerful beyond measure and there is noting to fear, no reason to hold back.
That is the kind of power I want to build within me and share in the world.
How do we cultivate true, compassionate power?
- Trust in the abundance of life and the universe. As Rob Brezsny, from Free Will Astrology, says: “All of creation is set up to liberate us from our suffering and teach us how to love intelligently. Life always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it -- although not necessarily what we want.” When we get into the scarcity mindset — that there is not enough to go around — then we get pulled into our fears and we lose all sense of personal empowerment. So instead, trust that the universe is always providing you the experiences that you need to grow and learn in this lifetime. They may not all be pleasant experiences but there is always something we have to learn from them. That trust can create a powerful shift in how you view life.
- Speak our truth and honor others when they speak theirs. If we don’t speak up for ourselves, ask for what we need, or put ourselves out there into the world to be received, then we will never feel empowered enough to go after our dreams or to follow our intuition. We have to speak what is in our hearts. The other side to that is honoring and allowing others to also speak their truth. So speak up and listen hard and discover how empowering that can be. Check out this article for more on speaking your truth: Exercise Your Voice.
- Understand the inter-connection and unity of all beings. Healthy power is all about connection. We are no better or worse than any one else in this world. We are all valuable; we have so much goodness within us just as we are. And we are all in this together — we are all on this earth right now, right here, at the same time for a reason. To be in our true power, we must honor the value of every existence of life in the universe and understand that our survival depends on each other. If we forget this, we can easily slip into the grasping, fear-based sense of separateness that breeds unhealthy power.
- Frequently employ playfulness and laughter. The minute we become rigid and unforgiving of our mistakes and follies is the minute we lose compassion for ourselves. And when we cannot hold compassion for ourselves, it is difficult to be compassionate towards other people. Being playful helps us reconnect to what is beautiful and fun in life. If we go through life thinking the world is a cold, hard place we will exercise our power in a cold, hard way. But if, on the other hand, we view life as joyful and beautiful, we will also live in an empowered state of joy and beauty.
- Let go of judgements and criticisms of self and others. Not much else can degrade our sense of power than hard and unnecessarily critical judgements. Not to mention that it is really hard to find motivation to work on a part of ourselves if we tell ourselves (or others tell us) that we suck and are no good at anything. So instead, focus on your strengths and lovingly work on the areas that you want to improve. There is a lot more power in kindness then we sometimes realize.
- Increase mindfulness. When we don’t understand something, we can tend to feel powerless and/or avoid it completely. We will all feel much more empowered if we get to know ourselves better, if we begin to understand the way our minds work, and if we can connect to what is going on in our hearts. The more we understand what is going on within us, how we react to things, how we deal with our emotions, etc. — the more apt we are to be bold, to take a chance, and to step into our power. This is where mindfulness work, meditation and yoga really help. They provide great tools to utilize when building personal empowerment.
- Exercise. Exercising helps get the blood flowing and builds heat in our bodies, all of which helps increase our sense of power. Strength training helps us feel more grounded in our physical strength, which translates into how we view our strength and power in life. Core work especially helps with our sense of personal power. So next time you are feeling disempowered or are faced with a situation when you need to step into your power, take a moment out to do some core work or get in a quick workout.
- Be yourself! Give yourself permission to be exactly who, how, and where you are in life right now. Stand up tall in who you are. You are beautiful, strong and capable of living the life you know you are meant to live. Don’t forget that.