I have been practicing and meditating on loving kindness for the past couple of weeks and it has had a huge impact on my state of being - mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.
With everything going on in the US and in the world, I can easily get consumed with frustration, anger, and despair. There is a place for frustration and anger and despair - the emotions themselves are not bad - it is the effect that they have that can become harmful. What I notice is that when I am angry, I brood; I get caught up in unpleasant thoughts that can spiral out of control. It darkens my mood and the mood of others around me. I even catch myself saying or doing harmful things.
When we are angry, we have to measure our actions to ensure we are not acting out of anger or hatred. When we act of our anger, we end up hurting ourselves and others.
So, we have to redirect ourselves toward love and act from a place of loving kindness.
Never underestimate the impact that love can have. When we act out of love instead of anger, we can still take strong stands, impact a course of events, and affect the world.
How do we do this?
The first step is to work with our minds. If we are thinking unloving thoughts, there is no way we can spread love.
One of the most powerful tools I have been working with lately is practicing Loving Kindness meditation. It is a buddhist meditation that focuses on spreading loving kindness for all beings. When I do this meditation, I feel my entire mood and being shift toward a more loving and grateful place. It helps me to realize that there is so much good in this world.
Here is an example of a loving kindness meditation from the book: Mindfulness in Plain English by Henepola Gunaratana (a book which I highly recommend if you are interested in learning more about mindfulness and meditation):
May all living beings be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May they always meet with spiritual success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life. May they always rise above with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness, and wisdom.
This is a wonderful meditation to practice daily. I like to incorporate people that I know in it - people that I want to send good energy to and even the people toward whom I am having a difficult time feeling lovingly. I realize that any anger or hatred I have been feeling is really hurting me more than it is affecting them. And my attitude towards these people changes when I include them in my loving kindness meditations. The grip of unpleasant thoughts loosens and I can go back to feeling grateful and more connected to the world at large.
The second step is to work with our actions. We must act from a place of love, even if sometimes we don’t feel the love.
The way we act as a result of our emotions has a huge impact, even though we may not always notice it. It is important to acknowledge that we get to choose how we act and what we create in the world. Do you want to live in a world where anger or love prevails? And what is your role in that - are you spreading anger or love through your actions?
As an example to make this concept more tangle, take a typical, everyday situation: Your partner or roommate comes home and you are hurt and upset at them for not doing something you asked them to do.
Scenario 1: When they walk in the door, you lean into them about not doing the task. You get so caught up in your own emotions and you act out of anger rather than trying to understand what they are feeling or going through. They, in turn, get defensive at your anger and the mood darkens. Both of you end up feeling angry and unappreciated.
Scenario 2: You are feeling upset but you greet them with love. After all, if you step back from your anger, you recognize that it is good to see them after a long day. Once you have both settled in, you initiate a conversation that comes from a place of compassion for their feelings as well as your own. You express how you are feeling and how their actions affected you. You are separating your anger from your behavior and you are acting out of love for that person. You are also honoring both of your feelings by having an honest conversation. The other person, in turn, feels understood and more willing to accept how their actions affect you.
So, the key is to surface from our thoughts and the desire to act blindly out of our emotions. In order to do this, we have to hold compassion and kindness for the people in our lives. When we take the time to consider others, understand that they are human, and focus on love, there is usually no lack of reasons to feel lovingly and grateful.
And if it is hard to feel lovingly, include that person in your loving kindness meditation and keep working on it. You won’t regret it.
Try it Out
If any of this post has resonated with you, I encourage you to try out a loving kindness meditation and spend time observing your emotions and actions over the next week.
Don't beat yourself up if you find it hard to think or act lovingly at times. Thought patterns and habits can be hard to change. The important thing is to 1) understand why you want to be kind and loving - is it for yourself, for your family, for the benefit of the world; 2) take the necessary steps; and 3) keep practicing.