How our survival instincts kick in to keep us going… but not forever.
I was trying to fall asleep one night after I had been doing a lot of self-development work. An image came up of this large splinter (more like a chunk of wood) that was wedged deep inside of my core. The image was so shockingly clear. When I imagined myself pulling it out, a huge wave of stifled emotions arose in me like a flood. All of these memories of past pain and hurtful history welled up to the surface from a place below where I had buried them.
As I sat there trying to process the image and the resulting emotions, I realized that it is an interesting metaphor for life and pain and survival. Here is the metaphor that I came up with:
It is as if we have this extensive root system within us. We have grown healthy roots and in some cases we have grown unhealthy roots. These unhealthy roots are developed when we are unable to deal with or process our emotions and experiences. They can be created during times when our needs have been ignored, when we deny who we are, or when we have experienced trauma. In our drive for survival, it is almost as if we have stuffed those roots with the wrong substance; we cover up all of the pain and heartache just to be able to move on. These roots are weak and somewhat hollow, as if they are filled with leaves instead of wood.
And these “faulty” roots, so to speak, will only hold us up for so long before they cave in. This is when we get overwhelmed by our feelings, when random emotions come up out of no where, or even when we find ourselves getting stuck in the same unhealthy patterns over and over again.
But every time we process old emotions and ignored experiences, it is like we are digging up the root and replacing it with a stronger, healthier substance. We are clearing the pathway; we are performing a root canal. As we build self-love, -understanding, and -awareness in place of unprocessed emotions, the roots transform and become healthier. In doing this we are able to grow taller, support the growth of other healthy roots, and strengthen our foundation of self.
A couple of weeks later, I came across a quote from a book I was reading that was discussing the shamanic idea of “soul loss,” which is the loss of parts of ourselves due to trauma or shame (self imposed or externally imposed). Caitlin Matthews wrote: “One of the problems of soul loss is that when human beings lose a vital part of themselves, they resort to substances to ‘fill the gap’. This often leads to addictions.” Soul loss is also believed to lead to disease and illness. The idea of soul loss and what Matthews states here reflects the image that I had about the faulty roots and the tendency (or survival mechanism) of filling gaps or loss of self with unhealthy substitutions, which are unsustainable in the long-term.
So, to me, this idea is strikingly important and highlights the necessity of processing of old, often forgotten emotions. Our bodies and our psyche carry all of our memories and our history. They don’t just disappear, they stick around and continue to affect and impact our lives and experiences. So, if we have too many toxic or unhealthy experiences that remain covered up and unprocessed, our lives take on a clouded, dark tone full of negative experiences. On the other hand, if we have a lot of hard times but we are able to understand them, their importance in our lives and how to move on in an empowered way, our lives take on a stronger, more grounded, and grateful tone. It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our quality of life is directly reflected by our ability to process and grow from all of our experiences – healthy or unhealthy.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this – does the Faulty Ground metaphor resonate with you?
And be sure to check out the next blog: How to Find Solid Ground, where I will share some ideas on how to excavate “faulty roots,” based on my personal experiences and self-development work.